The Cliche Series
by Kate Anderson
Summary: You know those fanfic scenarios that are overused? Well here they are!
1. The High School Reunion

Title: The Cliche Series Part One: The High School Reunion  
Author: Kathleen Anderson  
Email: sam_loves_jack@yahoo.ca  
Status: Part one complete   
Pairings: Sam/Jack, a teensy tiny bit of Daniel/Janet  
Spoilers: Divide and Conquer, Beneath the Surface  
Season: Season 4  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Everyone knows those scenarios that have been done to death. Here is the high school reunion!  
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.   
  


Sam groaned as she opened the envelope. 

_Has it been 15 years already?  
It has been!  
Grads of 1985 get ready for your rockin' reunion!  
Place: Mount Benson High gymnasium  
Date/Time: July 15th starting at 7:00 pm Bring your husband, bring your wife, just don't bring your dog!  
Hope to see you there  
_

Sam sat down with a resounding thud. She hoped that she hadn't inadvertently broken the stool or anything. Considering that she wasn't coming crashing to the ground, she figured that the stool would survive another day. She stared at the invitation. Sam needed a date. Daniel was getting it on with Janet and Teal'c was, well Teal'c was Teal'c so that left Colonel O'Neill. Sam lusted after her CO, so this was a very bad idea. 

The next day, Sam arrived at work bright and early. She noticed that the Colonel's truck was already haphazardly parked in its usual spot and she breathed a sigh of relief. She had been hoping that he would be here, she needed to talk to him before the briefing. 

Sam found the Colonel in his office. She walked up to him and thrust the invitation at his face. "You will come with me." she said, hoping that she didn't sound too desperate. 

Jack looked at his 2IC waving a piece of paper in front of him and wondered why she was suddenly the one giving orders. He shrugged and took the invitation from her. 

"15 years Carter? Wow, you're really getting up there." 

Sam was not impressed. 

"So, you need a date?" 

Sam sat down with a thud. The chair groaned. "Well I don't need a date, but I don't want to show up alone. I can't take Daniel, he's busy with Janet and Teal'c would be way too hard to explain. That leaves you, sir." 

"Hammond busy?" 

Sam glared. 

"Carter, this thing is in three days! Where is Mount Benson High anyway??" 

"Oregon." 

"Do you really think that Hammond will give us the time off?" 

"If we ask him nicely." 

"Sure, fine, whatever. Let's go talk to Hammond." 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam safely stowed her luggage in the overhead compartment and sat down in her seat next to Jack. They had arm wrestled for the window seat, but Jack won. General Hammond had been delighted that Sam and Jack wanted some time off and put SG-1 on stand-down for a week. Daniel was last seen creeping into Janet's office wearing nothing but a thong and Teal'c had been given permission to go off the base and was checking out the local jello wrestling scene. 

Jack was unhappy about having to fold up into the airplane seat and was thinking that they should have gone first class. 

"Comfortable?" Sam asked, stretching her legs out in front of her. 

Jack had readied an appropriately sarcastic reply but was stopped from saying anything as the flight attendant checked that he and Sam had buckled up. 

"Sir?" 

Jack looked up. 

"I'm going to have to ask you to please return your seat to its upright position." 

Jack pushed the small button and his seat smacked him in the back. 

"Thank you sir, you can recline your seat again once the plane has taken off and we have reached a steady altitude." 

The plane began to taxi towards the runway and the flight attendants demonstrated how to do up your seatbelt , use the oxygen masks, and pointed towards the emergency exits. They then returned to their seats and the plane took off. 

"Sir, ma'am, would you care for some peanuts?" 

Sam shook her head and Jack said, "Give me her package as well" 

"Would you care for anything to drink?" 

Sam asked for a coffee and Jack said, "Got anything with alcohol?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Jack staggered slightly as he and Sam entered the hotel lobby. 

"Sir? Are you drunk?" 

"Course not Carter, why would I be drunk?" 

Sam thought back to the wine on the plane and shrugged, "Oh I don't know, must be my imagination. Come on, let's check in." 

They approached the reception desk and Jack smacked the bell on the counter. It made a strangled dinging noise. This pleased Jack. He hit it again and grinned. Again and again and again. Sam reached over and took the bell from him. 

"Yes, yes, hello." 

"Hi, we have reservations." 

"And what is your name?" 

"Carter and O'Neill, we have two rooms booked." 

The clerk flipped through his book, frowning slightly. 

"Is there a problem?" 

The clerk looked up, "I have a room booked for an S. Carter but I don't have O'Neill." 

Jack looked accusingly at Sam, "Carter," he whined, "I thought you said that you booked me a room too! Where am I supposed to sleep now?" 

Sam sighed, "Do you have any rooms available?" 

The clerk shook his head, "No, I'm sorry. We're all booked up, there's a number of conventions in town not to mention reunions. The best I can do for you is to put a cot in the room." 

"Fine, we'll take the cot." 

"Very good ma'am, now I will need to see two pieces of id and your credit card." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam tipped the bellboy and then shut the door. Jack was investigating the room and was currently enthralled with the mini-bar. 

"Sir, you do know the things in there are hideously over priced." 

"I know, I was checking what's in there." 

"You don't need any more alcohol. I am not taking you to my reunion thoroughly plastered." Sam checked her watch, "Speaking of which, we have three hours, why don't we find a cafe or something. Grab a bite to eat." 

"Sounds good, just let me check out the washroom first." 

Sam nodded and waited. She waited and waited and waited. Finally she got up and knocked on the door, "Sir? You okay in there?" 

"Yeah peachy, why?" 

"You've been in there for uh..a pretty long time." 

"Almost done Carter, hold on to your horses." 

Sam heard the toilet flush, the water run and Jack walked out of the bathroom, tucking in his shirt. 

"Ready?" Sam asked, sounding impatient. 

"Yeah sure ya betcha." 

They left the room and strolled down the hallway. 

"This is a nice hotel." 

Sam nodded, "Mmmhmm, I think I saw a cafe downstairs." 

"Do they have a pool?" 

"Yeah, I think so." 

"Good thing I remembered to pack my speedos." 

Sam stopped, a horrified expression on her face, "Your speedos?" she managed to choke out. 

Jack laughed, "Relax Carter, I'm just kidding." 

Sam and Jack continued down the hall and into the elevator. The elevator neatly deposited them in the lobby and Sam instantly spotted the cafe. 

Sam scanned the small menu given to her by the hostess, "Hmmm..the spinach salad with Greek pita bread sounds good." 

"I was thinking more along the lines of the bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with plenty of mayo." 

"Janet's gonna use your butt as a pincushion if you start eating like that." 

Jack shrugged, "I'm on vacation." 

"Are you ready to order?" asked a small dark haired waitress. 

"Yes, I'll have the spinach salad with the pita bread, and an iced tea." 

"And for you sir?" 

"I'll have the bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, plenty of mayo and an iced tea as well." 

The waitress smiled, "Very good, I'll be back with your drinks shortly." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam very carefully slipped a foot into the pantyhose. Putting on pantyhose is a very delicate procedure and cannot be rushed. 

"Carter?? Can I come out yet??" 

Sam had exiled Jack to the bathroom while she got ready to go out. 

"No! I'm not dressed yet." 

"Not dressed yet?! I've been in here for nearly ten minutes, I was dressed eight minute ago, and you're still not dressed?!" 

Sam slipped her other foot into the pantyhose and began to work it up her legs, "I'll let you know when you can come out!" 

With the pantyhose on, Sam reached for her dress. It wasn't a fancy dress, and it wasn't particularly sexy, it was just a black dress. She put it on and then remembered that this dress had a bugger of a zipper. She sighed. 

"Okay sir, you can come out now." 

The door burst open, "Finally!" Jack said, then he noticed Carter. 

Jack's mind registered only that Carter's dress wasn't done up in the back. Black bra, his mind said to him, she's wearing a black bra! 

"Sir? Can you zip up the dress for me?" 

Black bra, black bra, black bra, black bra. 

"Sir?" 

"Wha?" 

"My dress, can you do it up?" 

Jack moved around behind Sam and grasped the tiny zipper between his fingers. He pulled and it moved up, removing the bra black from Jack's sight. 

Sam turned around, "Thanks sir." 

Jack's mind went blank again. Cleavage, cleavage, cleavage, cleavage, cleavage. 

"I just have to put on some makeup and then we're ready to go." 

Sam, who was secretly lusting after Jack, noticed that he was particularly handsome. He had on simple black pants, a black sweater over a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket. She loved a man in a leather jacket. She told that to Janet one day, Janet had replied that she liked men in a leather thong. 

Sam carefully applied foundation, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, and lipstick. Jack watched, fascinated by it. He so rarely saw Carter wear makeup. Sam put down the lipstick and went over to the closet. She grabbed her jacket and purse and said, "Well, I guess we'd better get going." 

"Yup." Jack said as he watched Carter's cleavage disappear into her coat. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Sir, I was thinking. Maybe you should call me Sam, it would seem a little strange if you called me Carter." 

Jack leant back into the taxi seat, "Then maybe you should call me Jack." 

"Okay, Jack." Sam smiled. 

"Okay, Sam." Jack smiled. 

The taxi pulled up along side the curb outside the school. 

"$15.25" said the taxi driver. 

Sam reached for her purse but Jack stopped her, "Let me take this one." 

Sam nodded and Jack reached into his jacket for his wallet. He took out a ten and a two. "Keep the change." 

They hopped out and Sam stood on the sidewalk, staring at the school, "It's been a long time" she whispered. 

"Hmm?" 

"Oh nothing," Sam said, "Just talking to myself. Let's go in." 

Sam led Jack up the steps and through the big glass doors. They were greeted by a woman sitting at a table, "Name?" 

"Carter, Samantha Carter." 

The woman found Sam's nametag and handed it to her, "And your guest?" 

"Jack." 

The woman wrote Jack on a blank tag and handed it to Jack, "The coat check is over there, to your right, have a good time!" 

Sam and Jack checked their coats and Jack gave Sam his wallet to put in her purse. 

"You okay Sam? You look a little green around the gills." 

"Just a bit nervous, I haven't been back here since I graduated." 

Jack offered her his arm and together they went into the gym. 

"Oh my God, Sammy is that you?!" 

"Caro!" 

Jack watched as 'Sammy' was mobbed by 'Caro'. 

"God, it's been too long, how have you been?" 

"I've been good." 

"What do you do now? Oh I know, you're probably an astronaut or something fantastic like that!" 

"Air Force actually, I'm with the Air Force, working with deep space radar telemetry." 

Caro frowned, "Oh, well that sounds exciting!" 

"It's very challenging work." 

"Sammy, who is that delicious man you came in with? Is he your husband?" 

Jack did not like being referred to as if he were something to be eaten and scowled a bit. 

"He's a friend, we work together. Jack this is my old friend Caroline aka Caro, Caro this is Jack O'Neill." 

Caro sidled up to Jack, "Hello there." 

"Er, hello." 

"So, you're air force too?" 

"Yes, I am." 

"What rank are you? I bet you're a captain or something." 

"Colonel actually." 

Caro looked pleased, "Wow, Colonel's pretty high ranking isn't it?" 

"Yes, I suppose it is." 

Sam watched with amusement as Jack started to sweat. She would have thought that the poor man would be used to getting hit on, after all those alien women. 

"I'll bet you look mighty fine in your dress blues." 

Jack coughed and gave Sam a pleading look. Sam took a hint and stepped in, "It's been nice talking to you again Caro, but we just got here. I'd better go see who else is here." 

Caro grinned, "Okay Sammy, but promise me that Colonel Jack here will be available for a dance later." 

"I'm sure he will be." 

Sam took Jack's arm and led him away from Caro who was already yelling at the next couple who entered the room. 

"She was your friend?" 

"Not my best friend, but yes, she was my friend." 

"Has she always been so exuberant?" 

"Only when she sees something she likes." 

Jack groaned and wondered if there was any alcohol nearby. 

"Spam!" 

Jack looked to his left and saw a woman waving her arms around wildly. He vaguely wondered why she was yelling out the name of luncheon meat. 

"Tuna!" 

Jack gave Sam a weird look as she yelled out the name of a fish. 

The Spam woman ran up to them and grabbed Sam for a big hug. Jack was lost. 

"Spam, I haven't heard from you a few years, I didn't know if you were even alive!" 

Spam? Jack decided that maybe he didn't even want to know. 

"Oh Tuna, I'm so sorry, I've been so busy for the last few years." 

Tuna? Her name was Tuna? What an unfortunate name for a person. 

Sam turned to him, "Jack this is my friend Tina, everyone called her Tuna." 

Oh Tina, that made more sense. 

Tuna giggled, "And everyone called Sam here, Spam. She hated it though." 

"I can't imagine why." Jack said under his breath. Out loud he simply said, "It's nice to meet you Tuna." 

"Spam, you have to come and meet my husband." 

Jack felt an urge to giggle but curbed it. Sam looked at him questioningly. Jack gave her a smile, "You go ahead Spam, I'm going to find something to drink." Lord knows he'd need it. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam wanted to sigh as she felt Jack's hand resting on her waist. They were finally dancing together. Jack had spent a good part of the night hiding from Sam's single school pals and being chased by Caro. In the end, he'd reluctantly danced with her. Caro would have kept dancing all night long with him if Sam hadn't cut in. 

Jack bent his head down and sniffed Sam's hair. She always smelled so nice. He so rarely had the opportunity to smell her hair so he was taking advantage of their close proximity. 

The gym was starting to empty as people were leaving. Jack was starting to feel a bit a tired after having five cocktails. He'd seen Sam with at least three margaritas. Neither one of them was flat out drunk, they were just maybe a little happier than usual. 

"Are you almost ready to go?" Jack murmured into Sam's ear. 

"Yeah, I just have to say goodbye to Caro and Tuna." 

Jack snorted a bit, trying to laugh at the name Tuna. He had wondered, as Sam had met up with various people, if any of them would be named Herring or Salmon. He was glad that he'd come with Sam, as it gave them an opportunity to be themselves. It wasn't often that they could be just Sam and Jack. Jack snorted again, Salmon Jack. 

The song ended and Sam left him in search of her friends. Jack decided he'd wait for her outside the gym. He used a pay phone to call a cab and then noticed there was a huge line up at the coat check. Jack decided that he might as well get in line. After five minutes he was joined by Sam. 

"Did you find them?" 

"I found Caro but I think Tuna might have already left." 

Sam shivered slightly as a breeze from the opening doors drifted through. "Cold?" Jack asked. 

"It's a little chilly out here compared to the gym. Did you call a cab?" 

"Yup, there should be one out there with our name on it soon." 

Sam and Jack retrieved their coats and Sam gave Jack back his wallet. Stepping outside, they noticed a large selection of taxis, "Well," Sam said, "Which one should we take?" 

Jack guided her to the nearest one and they got in. Jack told the driver where they were going and then he leaned back. 

"Did you have a good time?" 

Sam nodded, "I missed seeing my friends. What about you? It looked like you were having fun with Caro." 

"She was chasing me." 

Sam laughed, "I know. Sorry about that, if I had known that she was going to be there, I would have warned you." 

They were silent for the remainder of the trip. The taxi pulled up at the hotel and this time Sam paid the driver. They walked into the lobby and Sam yawned. 

"So, who gets the bed and gets the cot?" 

"You take the bed Sam, it was your room. I'll take the cot." 

"Are you sure? I would fit better on the cot than you would." 

"I'm sure." 

"Sure you don't want to arm wrestle for it?" Sam asked with a cheeky grin. 

"You know I'd win." 

They entered the elevator, "I know that you would." 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam reached for the towel on the rack and wiped off her face. She looked beat. It had been a long day. She enjoyed seeing her old friends again, but wished that she could have spent more time with Jack. Sam picked up her toothbrush and searched her kit for toothpaste. Her search revealed nothing. 

"Sir?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can I borrow your toothpaste? I forgot to bring mine." 

"Yeah, go ahead." 

Sam rummaged through Jack's shaving kit and located a squashed tube of toothpaste. She put a dab on her toothbrush and began to scrub away at her teeth. 

"So Sam, what are we doing tomorrow?" 

Sam spat in the sink, "I don't know, was there something that you wanted to do?" 

"I really don't know what's hot in the Portland area" 

Sam rinsed her mouth with water and then exited the bathroom. Jack was propped up on the bed flicking tv channels. "I thought you were taking the cot." Sam said. 

"I am, I was just sitting here so I could see the tv. Now that you're done in the bathroom, we can turn off the lights and go to sleep. I'll move over to my cot." 

Jack turned off the tv and moved over to his cot. Sam turned off the light on the nightstand and pulled the covers up over herself. 

"Night Carter." 

"Night sir." 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam awoke the next morning with her head on something that did not feel like her pillow. She rolled over onto her back and looked at the bed with alarm. 

"Sir!" Sam said, nudging him in the ribs. 

Jack, for his part, didn't really seem to care. 

"Jack, wake up!" 

That got his attention, "What?" 

"Why are you here?" 

Jack looked confused, "Because you invited me." 

"I did not invite you into my bed." 

"Oh you mean in the bed. Turns out you were right, that cot is very uncomfortable. It looked like there was plenty of room in the bed, so I joined you." 

Sam sat up and stretched a bit, "You want me to take the cot tonight?" 

Jack also sat up and looked down at his shirt, "Carter, were you drooling on me?" 

Sam felt her face flush, "Uh, sorry about that sir. Do you want me to take the cot or not?" 

"Why can't we both just sleep in the bed? It's a big bed and honestly Carter, I don't care if you drool on me." 

Try as she might, Sam couldn't bring herself to say no to Jack. They showered and dressed and before they headed downstairs to breakfast, Sam left a note for housekeeping to remove the cot. 

They returned to the same cafe for breakfast where Jack ordered a large plate of Belgian waffles. Sam ordered scrambled eggs with a few sausages and toast. When the meals arrived, Sam gazed longingly at Jack's waffles. 

"Like the look of my waffles do you?" 

Sam popped a forkful of eggs into her mouth, "They look more like dessert to me. Janet's gonna use you as her guinea pig." 

"Well, my butt is already her pincushion anyway. Want a bite?" 

Sam shook her head but Jack's fork was already making a beeline for her mouth. "Open up." he said, waving the fork laden with waffle, whipped cream and strawberries in her face. Sam could do nothing but oblige. 

"Mmmmmm.." she said softly, closing her eyes. 

Jack tugged at his collar wondering if someone had turned up the heat. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Jack sat down at the picnic table, "It's beautiful here. I'll bet there's good fishing in that lake." 

"I used to come here all the time, but I never fished. I'm surprised that no one is fishing right now, usually there's at least five people casting their lines." 

"Maybe it's not allowed any more, some places are doing that. Trying to preserve the fish stocks or something like that." 

Sam scoffed, "It's not as if five men are going to deplete the lake of its fish." 

Jack took off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. Sam stood with her arms crossed surveying the scene. She spun around slowly, taking it all in, recalling the past to life again. Jack watched her, as she looked around. The sunlight glinted off her hair, highlighting the golden streaks. Stop it, Jack berated himself, this shouldn't even be happening. He shouldn't be in love with her. 

"Sir?" 

"Can't we still be just Sam and Jack?" 

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Well, I guess we could but it really wouldn't be appropriate." 

"I've had enough of this crap!" 

Sam was startled by Jack's sudden outburst. "Had enough of what crap?" she asked gently. 

"All this commanding officer and second in command crap. We're friends Sam, none of my other friends call me sir." 

"I think there's more to it than just that." 

"How do you mean?" 

"We're not just friends, it's more complicated than that. I know that and you know that." 

"Yeah, I know that. I hate the way things have been since that whole Zarc incident and the memory stamping thing." 

"I don't like it either sir, but it's not as if we can throw protocol aside and indulge our feelings." 

Jack stood up and went over to Sam, "Who's saying we can't?" 

"Everyone! The military, you, myself." 

"Am I saying that we can't?" 

"I don't know what you're saying sir." 

Jack grabbed Sam and pulled her forward, "I'm saying this." He kissed her then, hard. Sam tried to push away but stopped. Instead she kissed him back, not caring if everyone was watching. At that moment she wouldn't have cared if General Hammond himself had been sitting at the table. 

"Wow." was all Sam could say once they broke apart. 

Jack shoved his hands in his pocket, "I'm sorry about that Sam. I realize that it wasn't appropriate.." 

"With all due respect sir, shut up!" 

Jack looked her. She was smiling almost shyly. "Aye ma'am, shutting up." 

Sam kissed Jack. And Jack kissed Sam. 

They broke apart again and Sam started laughing. "What's so funny?" Jack asked, feeling slightly insecure. It was never a good thing when a lady started laughing after you kissed her. 

"What are we going to tell General Hammond?" 

Jack shrugged, "I'll bet you anything that ol' Georgie Boy is willing to turn a blind eye as long as we're discrete." 

Sam laughed again, "So that means that you won't be sneaking into my lab wearing nothing but a thong anytime soon?" 

Jack looked horrified, "You want me to wear a thong?" 

Sam grinned, "Well maybe not a thong..." 

Jack groaned, wondering what he'd gotten himself into. He wrapped his arms around Sam and pulled her in for a hug. He bent his head down and rested his cheek on her hair. He no longer had to have an excuse to smell her hair.   
  



	2. The Online Romance

Title: The Cliche Series Part Two: The Online Romance  
Author: Kathleen Anderson  
Email: sam_loves_jack@yahoo.ca  
Status: Part two complete   
Pairings: Sam/Jack, a teensy tiny bit of Daniel/Janet  
Spoilers: Ascension  
Season: Season 5  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Everyone knows those scenarios that have been done to death. Here is the online romance!  
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.   
Author's Notes: This one got a little silly but that's what you get when you write fanfic without getting enough sleep!   
  


Sam was bored. Sam was so very, very bored. She had already cleaned her bathroom, waxed her floors, weeded the garden, rewritten the laws of physics and planned her costume for next Halloween. She thought about repainting her living room or working on her motorcycle, but decided that both of those activities would require far too much energy. 

Sam looked around kitchen, nothing to do there. She looked around the laundry room and ignored the huge pile of dirty clothes. She looked at her small office. Sam saw her computer, just sitting there, with sheep bouncing all over the screen. Some of the sheep were exploding and there were sheep guts all over the bottom of the screen. Sam decided that was a horrible screen saver and went over to rescue the poor sheep. 

Seeing as she was at the computer anyway, Sam decided that she'd better check her hotmail address and delete all the pornographic spam she got there. Poor_Queequeg@hotmail.com was Sam's address. She really felt sorry for Agent Scully's dog and created an address as a memorial for the poor dear. Sam briefly skimmed through the email, wondering why she would ever want an alternative to Viagra and then checked all and deleted. 

Deleting those messages gave Sam a small feeling of satisfaction. But she was still bored. Her eyes caught the words People & Chat and Sam decided to give it a go. She hadn't really spent much time in Internet chatrooms, but Janet raved about them. Cassie had introduced her to the concept and now she couldn't get enough. Sam looked through the listings of chatrooms and decided to forgo the 'pool parties' and 'hot and horny guys 18+" One room looked promising, "The Barracks! Come chat with fellow members of the United States Armed Forces!" Sam clicked on it and after creating a nickname and downloading the software, she entered the room. 

_lovesJO has entered the room_

Sam was immediately welcomed to the room, and she suddenly felt less bored. There was currently 15 people in the room. Sam scanned the names along the side and then looked back at the main chat window. 

_Colonel Charming says: Welcome JO! Where are you stationed?_

Sam hesitated a bit before saying that she was in Colorado. She didn't want to say Cheyenne Mountain in particular because of the delicate nature of her assignment. It wouldn't do to arouse a lot of questioning. She got tired of making up excuses for deep space radar telemetry. 

_Colonel Charming says: I'm in Colorado as well, maybe we know each other? _

lovesJO says: That's unlikely 

Colonel Charming says: What branch of the armed forces are you with? 

lovesJO says: Air Force, you? 

Colonel Charming says: I'm Air Force too! See, maybe we do know each other 

Sam sighed, this Colonel Charming was anything but charming. He was actually kind of annoying. Sam clicked the coffee cup next to her name to set herself to away and headed to the kitchen to get a drink. When she returned to the computer she found that Colonel Charming had been whispering to her. Sam sighed again and sent a message back to him. 

Two hours later Sam shut down her computer and stood up, stretching her back. She couldn't believe that she had just spent all that time talking to a perfect stranger! The Colonel had become less annoying after the first twenty minutes and Sam found that he was actually quite funny. She was beginning to understand Janet's strange obsession. She and Colonel Charming had made a 'date' for tomorrow evening and Sam couldn't wait to log back on and talk to him again! 

~~~~~~~~~ 

"You okay Sam?" 

Sam looked at Janet who was polishing her instruments of torture, "Just a bit tired, I was up late last night." 

"Still working on that Stargate in your basement?" 

Sam shook her head, "Nah, I can't get it work, I have no idea how Orlin did it." 

"So, what were you doing?" 

"If you must know, I was chatting online." 

Janet's face lit up, "Really?! I thought you hated that sort of thing." 

"I was really bored Janet." 

"Did you meet someone??" 

"Why do always assume that everyone chatting online is doing so because they want to meet someone?" 

"Because it's true, so did you?" 

"Maybe." 

Sam felt herself blushing as she remember Colonel Charming. Janet put a needle down and went over to Sam. "You did! I knew it!" Janet exclaimed. 

"Yeah, okay I did. I was in some armed forces chat room and I met this guy." 

"An armed forces chat room? Geez Sam, that's kinda boring, no? You should try those pool parties sometime." 

"It wasn't boring! This guy is really nice. He's funny, maybe a little dense but I can handle that. We're meeting in chat again tonight." 

Janet gave Sam a disapproving look, "He reminds you of Colonel O'Neill, doesn't he. I thought you were over that." 

"He does not remind me of Colonel O'Neill! Well..okay, maybe a little and yes, I am over him!" 

Janet let out a small strangled cough and gestured towards the door. 

Colonel O'Neill stood leaning against the door with a smirk on his face. "So Carter, you're over me? I don't remember you ever being under me." 

Sam blushed furiously and stood up, "Well, if you'll excuse me Janet, sir, I there's something I need to attend to." She brushed past Jack and practically ran down the corridor. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam settled down in the chair with a steaming mug of coffee and a large chocolate chunk cookie. Tapping her fingers on the desk she impatiently waited for the computer to boot up. In her mind, she tried to picture this charming Colonel of hers. He would have thick dark hair and gorgeous chocolate brown eyes. He would have to be tall of course, Sam did not want a man that she could practically step on. The picture began to form in her mind, Sam smiled and watched as he beckoned to her. Sam giggled as he raised his eyebrows suggestively at her. Sam frowned as the man's hair began to grey. Dammit, Sam thought, he looks an awful lot like Colonel O'Neill. 

Finally lovesJO logged into the chatroom, she scanned the names anxiously and sure enough, Colonel Charming was there. He immediately whispered to her, _Hey, I wasn't sure if you were actually coming! I thought maybe you stood me up!_

_lovesJO says: I would never even dream of standing you up :-) _

Colonel Charming says: Of course you wouldn't. So anyway, how are you today? Still beautiful? 

lovesJO says: *blushes* I'm fine, had a pretty busy day, how do you know that I was beautiful to begin with? 

Colonel Charming says: Us charming Colonels know these things. I've been wanting to ask you, who is this JO that you love so much? 

lovesJO says: Oh no one, just someone who I had a huge crush on when I was younger 

It wasn't exactly a lie, Sam was younger when she had a crush on him. She smiled as the Colonel's next message came up and took a sip of her coffee. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

"Up late chatting online again?" 

Sam's only response was a soft snore. Janet sighed and went over to Sam and shook her. 

Sam sat straight up, "What's going on?! Is the base under attack?!?!" 

Janet laughed, "No, I just wanted to see if you were interesting in lunch." 

Sam looked at her watch, "It's lunch time already?" 

"How late were you up late night Sam?" Janet asked, slipping into her patented Doctor Mode. 

"Not that late, I think I turned off the computer at around 2:30.." 

"Sam, you have to learn to moderate the time you spend on there, were you talking to that guy again?" 

Sam smiled, "Yeah I was, he's a really great guy Janet!" 

"Well, I'm happy that you're finally getting over Colonel O'Neill, but surely there's a better way to do it." 

"Janet, I'm fine. I promise that I'll get to bed earlier tonight." 

"Okay, fine, it's your body. So lunch?" 

As if on cue, Sam's stomach growled. She stood and said, "Sure, lunch sounds great." 

The commissary was fairly crowded when Sam and Janet entered. They got in line and ordered their meals. 

"Hey Sam, Doc! Over here!" 

It was Daniel, waving his arms around. 

"You know Janet," Sam said with a smile, "I think that Daniel has a crush on you." 

"Oh please, he so does not." 

Sam picked up her tray, "Do you think he actually likes getting hurt all the time?" 

"I thought he was just accident prone!" 

"Very accident prone. Come on Janet, I thought you always knew if a man wanted you." 

Janet picked up her tray, "I never said that. I guess we'd better go sit with Daniel, it doesn't look like there's anywhere else to sit." 

Sam was a bit puzzled by the lack of seats and it looked to her like some of the tables had been taken away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Meanwhile elsewhere in Cheyenne Mountain.... 

Siler wiped sweat from his brow and bent over, panting. "Okay, sir, all the tables are up." 

General Hammond chortled with glee, "It's not high enough, more tables, we need more tables!" 

"Sir, we've already removed most of the tables from the commissary, where are people supposed to eat?" 

"On the floor!" Hammond said happily, "We need more tables!" 

Siler rued the day that he had given Hammond the Guinness Book of World Records, that man was now determined to have the highest tower of tables. Heaving a great sigh, Siler left the General and went to the commissary to fetch more tables. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam sat down across from Daniel and Janet sat beside Daniel. Daniel smiled as the good doctor's arm brushed up against his. 

Sam took a bite of her spaghetti and looked around again, "Is it just me, or do we seem to be slightly lacking in tables today..." 

Daniel leaned forward, "Rumour has it that Siler was seen sneaking table after table out of the room early this morning." 

Janet shook her head, "I always knew that man was up to no good." 

"What would Siler want with the tables?" Sam asked. 

"Maybe he needed to fix them? Maybe it's part of some alien conspiracy, who knows!" Daniel said with a wave of his hand. 

Sam glanced towards the door as a figure entered the room, "Look, guys, it's Siler!" 

"Probably came to get the chairs now or something." Janet said, gesturing towards the multitude of chairs scattered about the room. 

The three watched as Siler approached their table. Daniel waved at him, "Hey Siler, join us for lunch?" 

Siler did not reply. He came closer and closer, wiping his brow and panting. Janet started to look a little frightened and wondered if he had somehow contracted rabies. Sam gulped and wished that Colonel O'Neill were there to save her. Siler reached the table and paused. He put his hands out and grasped the edge of the table. 

"Yoink!" he said loudly and pulled the table away from them. The food spilled onto the floor and Daniel wanted to cry as he watched his beloved coffee splash onto Janet's lab coat. The three watched, open mouthed, as Siler ran out of the room with their table, giggling all the way. 

"Well, that was strange." Sam said, picking some salad off her lap. 

"Indeed." Teal'c said, as he appeared out of nowhere. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

It was almost midnight, Sam had been talking to Colonel Charming for nearly three hours. Her eyes were gritty and her back was killing her. It had been just over two weeks since that fateful evening and Sam was in love. The only problem with that was that every time to saw Colonel O'Neill, she felt a sharp stab of guilt. She had told herself that she wasn't really cheating on him, because it wasn't like they were having a relationship or anything. She hadn't told Colonel Charming her name, nor had he told her his. Sam was happy with this arrangement. 

Saying goodnight and sending him a kiss, Sam exited Colonel Charming's private room and shut down the computer. She stood up and smoothed down her muumuu, Sam really needed to do her laundry. Actually, Sam wasn't sure why she owned a muumuu in the first place, but it really was quite comfortable, even if it was lacking in style. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Sam, is that a muumuu?" Janet asked incredulously. 

Sam looked a bit embarrassed, "Yeah, I haven't exactly had time to do my washing lately." 

"Hey Carter, love the muumuu!" Jack called out as he passed the two women in the hall. Sam felt her face flush and cursed her pale complexion. "Don't forget, we have a briefing in two minutes!" he said and sailed on down the hall. 

"Dammit, two minutes!? I don't have time to change!" 

Janet snickered as she looked at Sam's muumuu again, "Well, I guess you'll just have to go as you are." 

Sam grumbled and took off down the hall. 

"Major Carter," General Hammond said, "I wasn't aware that muumuu's had become standard attire on the base." 

Sam took a seat next to Daniel, "No sir, they haven't, I was just, uh running late this morning, didn't have time to get changed." 

"Very well, but I don't ever want to see you wearing a muumuu again, is that understood?" 

"Yes sir." Sam said, feeling horribly embarrassed. 

"Okay people, in front of you, you will find a folder that contains the MALP analysis of P7X-9854536373373, if you will please turn to the first page, we can discuss the soil analysis." 

Sam turned to the first page and started to read. She looked up as the door burst open, it was Siler. "Sorry to interrupt sir, but I just got off the phone with the Guinness people, we got in!" 

General Hammond threw up his hands and started to sing the Hallelujah Chorus. Sam shook head and decided that she really didn't want to know. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

_Colonel Charming says: I've been thinking, we should meet up sometime. _

lovesJO says: Like, in person? 

Colonel Charming says: yeah, we get along so well, it would be great to see you in person. 

lovesJO says: what the heck, sure! Let's do it! 

Colonel Charming says: Great! Okay, so what's a good time for you? I don't a free evening until Friday. 

lovesJO says: Friday is good for me too, okay so Friday at say...7:00? 

Colonel Charming says: Where? 

lovesJO says: You know that little coffee shop on 53rd? 

Colonel Charming says: Yep, so the coffee shop, Friday at 7:00 

lovesJO says: That sounds perfect :-) 

Colonel Charming says: How will I know who you are? 

lovesJO says: I'll have a single red rose with me. 

Colonel Charming says: I can't wait :-) 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"You're doing WHAT?!!?!" Janet asked, her voice nearly reaching super sonic levels. 

"Keep your voice down! I'm meeting him." 

"You're meeting him? Sam, are you insane??" 

"No, I'm not insane and you don't have to run any of your little tests, I'm fine. We're meeting on Friday in a coffee shop." 

"Sam, I really think you need to take a step back and think about this. You haven't been the same since you met this guy. You've shown up at work wearing a muumuu and now look at you!" 

Sam plucked at her sheet, "It's a toga Janet." 

"You're wearing your bedsheets." 

"I'll do my laundry soon, I promise." 

"Major Carter, what in God's name are you wearing now?!" 

Sam whirled around, "General Hammond, sir! I'm wearing a toga." 

"A toga? I wasn't aware that the SGC is having dress up days now, I must have missed that memo." 

Sam shrugged, "I guess so." 

The General pondered that for a moment, "Oh well, in that case..I think I have a Superman costume somewhere in my office..." 

Sam and Janet watched as the General headed off down the hall mumbling away to himself. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Hey Carter, I don't suppose you know why the General is leaping off tables wearing a Superman costume, do you?" 

Sam looked up at Jack, who was fiddling with a small metallic device, "Uh no, sorry I don't..." 

"I thought maybe you would, seeing as you're wearing a sheet and all." 

"Sir, could you put that down?" 

"Why, what is it?" 

"I don't know yet, that's why I want you to put it down." 

Jack dropped the device back onto the counter, "So Carter, haven't seen much of you lately, what's going on?" 

"Oh not much, I've just been really busy." 

"Still working on that Stargate in your basement?" 

"Uh yeah, something like that." 

Jack nodded, "Well, it's been nice talking with you Carter. I guess I'd better go keep the peace in the commissary, I heard that the General had talked Siler into wearing a Batman costume." 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sam's had butterflies in her stomach as she drove to the coffee shop. Her red rose was on the seat beside her and her hands were shaking on the wheel. Come on Sam, she told herself, calm down, it won't do you any good to get yourself all worked up over this. She parked her car and shut off the engine. She tried to take several deep breaths and looked around at the street. She wondered if the Colonel was already here and if he was, which vehicle was his. 

Sam's gaze fell on a green truck that looked very similar to Colonel O'Neill's. She decided that it couldn't possibly be his and told herself that thousands of people probably owned a truck exactly like that. She got out of her car and crossed the street. As she passed by the truck she noticed that 'Poke Me, I Like It" was written in the dirt on the tailgate. Was it her imagination or had Teal'c not written that on the Colonel's truck a few days ago.... 

Sam decided that it was not O'Neill's truck and that she was delusional and pushed open the door to the shop and went in. The lighting was fairly dim and it smelled delicious, Sam breathed in deeply, trying to calm her nerves. She clasped the rose tightly to her chest and looked around. 

Her gaze fell upon a figure seated at a table for two. Her mind screamed at her to run, get away from here, but she made herself move forward. 

"Carter?" 

"Sir?" 

Sam sat down at the table with Colonel O'Neill. She still wanted to leave but they had to talk about this. 

"You're Colonel Charming?" 

Jack gave a sad smile, "Guilty as charged. You're lovesJO?" 

Sam felt her cheeks burning, "Yes." 

Jack's mouth fell open as he realized who JO was, "Ahem, well, this was unexpected." 

Sam put the rose down, "Yeah, so what do we do now?" 

"Order something to eat?" 

"Okay, sounds good, we'll eat." 

"You know, Carter, I had no idea that you were into the Internet dating scene." 

"I'm not really, I was just bored one night and then I met you." 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"So?" 

"So what?" 

"How did it go with this guy last night? Details Sam, I want details!" 

"It's a long story Janet." 

Janet plopped herself down on a chair, "I've got time." 

Sam sighed, "Well, alright, if you really want to know...." 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Oh my God, Sam! I can't believe that it was Colonel O'Neill!" 

"I couldn't either," Sam said, "But I'm glad that it was." 

"How so?" 

"Well, we got to talking and we've decided to pursue a relationship." 

Janet smiled, "I'm really happy for you Sam, I am. I hope this works out." 

Sam smiled back at Janet, "I hope so too."   
  



End file.
